"Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You."
-- Psalm 73:25 NKJV
tonight was a smashing turnout for our DeoWorks formal cocktail fundraiser event, with many of Silicon Valley's finest looking spectacular. during our speeches in front of the audience, i was told afterwards by a few people that my northern accent (from being raised in Michigan) has been noticeably getting stronger, even though my time in California has been getting longer (it will be 10 years this summer).
but i know that isn't exactly true, because the first time my northern accent started resurfacing was after i met the Holy Spirit last year and the intensity in my prayers was rising. the northerner swing only comes out when i am speaking of the things of God. more and more people ask me where i originate from, and it's not because i talk more than before (i know i've always talked my head off) but because the things on my heart and mind are more and more the things of God.
in a way, this whole accent shift represents a return to our roots. we were made by Him, we were made for Him, we were made to be rooted in Him. in this life we get washed up in the things of the world. our environments affect us, our circumstances can change us. often, the faith we had as children wears away as we grow older because we have to unlearn what we can't have faith in and re-learn real faith the right way. we might start to look differently, act differently, talk differently, if we veer away from our place of origin. sometimes the most distinctive things about us can be eroded, lost into memories and blurred into the crowds. we blend in better, things are easier that way.
it can get like that in our relationship with Jesus. we can stray away from our Maker. it's easier to want the things in front of us, shiny and new or the things everyone else seems to want. the things that are supposed to make sense because that's the rat race society trips all up over itself for. it can be hard at times to desire what's good and right -- what has depth, value, honor, purpose. it's easier to fixate on the things we can see and touch, taste and smell, covet and obsess over, idolize and fantasize for. and it's ridiculous, because we weren't created for those things, we weren't created for this world. we were created for something else, Someone else.
my accent getting stronger these days represents the increase in intimacy with the place where i'm from, with my God. Jesus is showing me through ways in which i understand origin and identity, that i'm getting closer with Him and it shows. i'm not pulling out the accent on purpose, in fact i don't think i could do it consciously even if i knew how. it just shows. the more time we spend in growing relationship with our Maker, the more it shows. it just does, and people will notice something's different. something's changing. and by them pointing it out to us, it makes us notice it, too. and i'm in awe at how much has been uprooted in such a short amount of time so that the real roots we were created to have nurtured take over, they're growing in so fast and so deep. before you know it you're anchored in, and you can't undo it, because you've been re-rooted, and you're grateful.
i'm grateful. i can't honestly talk about the things everybody seems to want around here without feeling like i'm going to puke a little. (i.e. the perfect Silicon Valley career-boosting job with competitive pay, great benefits and a pretty office with perks or the safe looks-good-on-paper fiance to lock down while we're still young) i just can't do it, i know i'm a misfit and shock so many people with their assumptions of what i seem to be or want or am. i've been called crazy, impractical, idealistic, and a number of other things, and they can kiss my arse because i really don't care.
i will never work a career or love a man for reasons of this world. i will work for God's calling and i will only love a man that is more insane for God's own heart than i am so that we're exponentially more insanely madly in love with God united.
this is what i want: i want the iron in my spirit. i want to carry the fire wherever i go. i want to see people with the eyes of Jesus, always. i want all the parts in me to be postured before my God. i want to get on it already with the desires of my heart. i want to see the nations return to their King. i want real rest to calm me in my restlessness. i want the presence. i want the hunger. i want the thirst. i want the addiction, the fascination, the intense longing. i want the pursuit, both ways. i want all those positions of desire as well as the immense satisfaction that comes from getting what i want. i want You, Jesus.
never did i know such a Love. until i knew You like this.